Attention! Lost Dog

Gwinnett County - Snellville, Ga

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Attention! Lost Dog

Postby Invalid Lettuce » Thu Aug 23, 2012 11:24 pm

Greetings Board! I have a pressing matter on my hands and need to address it immediately. So, I was playing some 45 shim, casual, odd dog action today with some homies and something horrible happened. Before I get to my misfortune I will inform the board of the round until that point. We tee'd off on hole 1 at approximately 6:00pm and the Disc Golf Gods granted all 8 of us with a star frame. Holes 2-5 went well, except one of our fellow brothers decided to hyzer a 150 gram dragon into the swamp/pond on hole 2. (F.Y.I. dragons do not float in water and water moccasins are highly attracted to them.) After wading through the swamp/pond for about 45 minutes and eventually putting out on hole 5 we made our way to hole 6.

Before I get ahead of myself I would like to state that I parked a roller on hole 5 and was the only one to get a birdie so I had the pleasure of teeing off first on hole 6. Like anyone in my position after 3 penthouses and a roller park job, I decided to try out my newly tuned 165 gram Steady Ed Signature Blowfly. Before approaching the pad I gracefully brushed my Blowfly with my birdie bag as if it was some majestic disc about to finish up on hole 18 at the Amateur Worlds. I decided to roll the Blowfly because the grass seemed to be groomed and I thought it would be the best way to mark a birdie or perhaps a roller ace. I thought everything was going well until I grip locked my Blowfly and lost site of it. :?

This is where I need to make my point and hopefully this will open up some eyes and create some action or change. While looking for my lost dog I noticed that there were many fairway imperfections that caused me to grip lock and lose my Blowfly. I cannot take full responsibility for these imperfections. Only those associated with the Lenora Park Disc Golf Course can. I majored in Landscape Architecture back in '79 and know my grass. For most of you that don't know the fairways at Lenora, we are dealing with Rough Bluegrass. Rough Bluegrass is commonly mistaken for Kentucky Bluegrass. For an avid disc golfer this can be fatal while throwing a roller. Many "people" mistake Rough Bluegrass for the sickly Kentucky Bluegrass. The truth is that this is its own type of grass. Unfortunately, for my Blowfly and probably many other lost dogs, this grass is very sensitive and doesn't thrive in any but the coldest of climates. This explains why the average round at Lenora is much better from the months of October through February.

So, your probably asking yourself, where do we go from here? Well, I have taken it upon myself to contact the necessary officials to fix this problem. It will take some patience from the disc golf community but it is in everyone's best interest that we follow through with this. I have not yet drafted the the final report but it will take closing down hole 6 for roughly 8 months in order to extract all the grass that presently stands there. We will then go in and replace the defective grass with the correct grass. After the replacement there is another 6 month waiting period so that we can make sure there is optimal growth. After this 14 month period I promise there will not be any complaints associated with hole 6.

Thank you for your time and may the course be with you!

-CM

"When in doubt...throw a roller." - Steady Ed
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Re: Attention! Lost Dog

Postby mrpbody33 » Fri Aug 24, 2012 7:42 am

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Barry "Mr. P'body" Arnson
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Re: Attention! Lost Dog

Postby boodogg » Fri Aug 24, 2012 10:54 am

I suggest throwing 150 class Zephyrs as chicken-wing rollers. Remember to declare "Bakaa" before you throw and always tell your group "May the Course Be With You" before and after the round. Just to be safe, tell your group this before and after each hole as well.
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Re: Attention! Lost Dog

Postby grease » Fri Aug 24, 2012 12:39 pm

CM....hmmmmm.....Carl Malden?
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Re: Attention! Lost Dog

Postby Can't Hit Open Putts » Fri Aug 24, 2012 12:43 pm

grease wrote:CM....hmmmmm.....Carl Malden?

I was thinking Charlie McCarthy?
"Fearlessly the Idiot faced the crowd, Smiling"
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Re: Attention! Lost Dog

Postby boodogg » Fri Aug 24, 2012 2:42 pm

Good to see that you survived that run in with the 747. Hope your pink Firebird is still cut-rolling into the action and keeping you away from the schule. If you ever want to get the hak-sak band back together, just come to the party at Sadj's.
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Re: Attention! Lost Dog

Postby botzong » Fri Aug 24, 2012 6:28 pm

Today is your lucky day, Invalid Lettuce! My friends and I decided to validate some Lenora action at 2:00 this morning. With solid cloud coverage and very little moon showing, the weather couldn't have been more cooperative for our brew session. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to score the first few holes because we all lost our discs off the tees. Hole four went really well though, considering Allen and Dave both managed to find their drives. I thought my roller would stand up nicely, but I was never able to track it down. Anyway, it was about two and a half hours later before we made it to the sixth hole. Tim uncorked a monster sky roller that vanished about twenty feet from us. Bruce decided to go with a 360 roller that disappeared immediately. My cut roller felt like it started out really well, so I was excited to see the end result. We all began looking for the dogs using our traditional swarm method. An hour later, I heard a big splash in the distance. Apparently, Tim had started walking in the wrong direction from the tee box and stumbled into the pond near hole 2. While I was running down the hill to see what happened, I heard him yell "check this out!" He was holding up what appeared to be an old Rubber Putter by Lightning. Upon closer inspection, however, I could see that it was a Steady Ed Blowfly. We couldn't figure out how in the world a Blowfly ended up in the pond.

I know what you mean about the turf problem on hole 6. I roll every single drive, upshot, and putt on that course and none of the other holes give me trouble like 6. The grass seems to grab the disc and prevent it from standing up properly. I put down a perfect sidearm roller with my #2 helix last week and it just died in the fairway. I always figured there was a malicious weevil population affecting the grass. It's nice to finally have a sense of closure on the whole ordeal. I for one am glad that someone is stepping up to the plate and taking care of the problem. Courses should be able to accommodate a wide variety of shots on every hole. In a way, I feel as if the course is insulting me on a personal level every time my disc is not given the freedom to roll. There might as well be a sign posted that says "Flight Only, No Rollers Allowed." I've been trying to raise awareness on this issue for years now. Roller discrimation is by no means a thing of the past. My cousin crop dusts on the side down in Tifton, so let me know if you're interested in getting him to lay down a plane full of lawn pesticides on that fairway. He could probably wipe out every living blade of grass on that hole in less than a hour.

You're welcome to swing by Sequoyah Park tonight around midnight if you'd like to get the Blowfly. My friends and I are going to grill up some hot dogs in the parking lot and then play some blindfolded action.

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